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Hello! We are the Chillak-a

Friday, October 10, 2008

dian, i think i know what u mean when u said that u're in denial yet u're preparing urself mentally and emotionally. it's never easy but just remember that we're always here for you. my grandmama fell and fractured her thigh bone last time and she recovered. we all thought she wasn't really gonna make it then but she did. miracles do happen. but we always fear the worst case scenario and so put up a protctive mechanism by preparing ourself for the worst eventhough u dont want it to happen.

when she collapsed the other time, i feared the worst and even when she stopped breathing, i didnt believe it. it just din't register. then when they managed to revive her in the hospital, i was preparing myself for the worst. how can someone who's brain was deprived of oxygen for so long and turned blue survive? and even if she did, there would be side effects. the best choice was to let go but i couldn't put myself to do it. i was selfish. then during my few hrs at home, i researched on the internet. the survival rate was really low. i didn't dare to tell anyone. she nvr woke up after that. never said her last words.

let go now daddy
by Crystal Shawanda

wind blowin in my face, sidewalk flyin beneath my bike
a five year olds first taste, of what freedoms really like
he was runnin right beside me, his hand on the seat
i took a breath and hollered, as i headed for the street
*chorus*
you can let go now daddy, you can let go
oh i think im ready, to do this on my own
its still a little bit scary, but i want you to know
i'll be okay now daddy, you can let go
i was standin at the alter, between the two loves of my life
to one i'd been a daughter, to one i soon would be a wife
when the preecher asked "who gives this girl?" daddy's eyes welled with tears
he held tightly to my arm, till i whispered in his ear
*chorus*
it was killin me to see, the strongest man i ever knew
waistin away to nothin, in his hospital room
"you know he's only holdin on for you" thats what the night nurse said
me voice and heart were breaking, as i crawled into his bed
and said
you can let go now daddy, you can let go
your little girl is ready, to do this on her own
it will be a little bit scary, but i want you to know
ill be okay now daddy, you can let go
you can let go


we'll pray for her