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Monday, April 6, 2009
i came to this space with the full attention wanting to blog abt sumting on my mind..
but noe wad? i feel like an ass. cos i kinda made pushed myself into this position despite warnings. it started of innocently without me even relising it. 1 noticed, 2 noticed, 3 noticed..now4 noticed. wad confuses me is det i nvr had de intention to. things just slipped into the way it is now. i feel like such a bitch. not being fair to either party. feel so blinded, confused..underwater. like sumting is pulling me down in the water, n i just want to reach the surface. i hate it when i get problems that i subconsciously created myself. and i hate it even more when i'm not doing anything to resolve it. but its not so simple as to 'resolve' things. cos i duno wads wrong or right. 1 step, and i might lose sumthing det means so much to me.. or lose sumting i'll never get to see its worth. i hate decisions. especially decisions that we cant undo cos hurting is inevitable. n hurt isnt sumting one can erase. ppl keep telling me to follow my heart. but wdf does my heart wants? hate problems. hate decisions. hate hurting. but dets wad makes life isn't it? one thing i'm sure about is i'm going deeper, i'm not doing anything to stop myself and 1 fine day i know sure as hell i'm gng to regret this. either way, i'll regret. God bless me. have a great day lovelies.. |