![]() |
|
December 2007
January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 September 2011
|
Thursday, October 30, 2008
ALL THE BEST JUNE AND RANN! AND ME! hahahaha. ((: A level's baby.. ha! Life is a comedy for those who think, and a tragedy for those who feel.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
![]() guess what. im getting into the it's too close to exams, i can't study mood! it always happens but the diff is i know im not prepared and this is As!!! no more midyears, no more end of year, no more prelims but A LEVELS. it's either make it or break it. SHIT FACE! not you but ya just SHIT FACE! i miss you guys and i know u miss me tooooo..haha so here's my usual face for you guys to admire!! hahaha SHIT FACE!
Monday, October 27, 2008
less than 7 days to A's and i'm losing the drive, not that i had alot to begin with. tht's the freaky part, ain't it? zach's unwell and i feel im falling ill too BUT NO i can't, i musnt. i just realised tht my life has been filled with what i must do and musn't do. not because anyone is forcing me, it's just me! irritating! if i had to rebel, i'll have to rebel against myself. gosh i wouldn't do tht! schizo!
well, can u imagine?! after this week, time is gonna pass so quickly tht even we won't realise it, in a blink of an eye, tada! A's Over and there's nothing we can do to change anything! where im gonna head after that would depend on my results! darn and what does my results depend on? well, how hard im working now but..... am i working hard enough????? there are so many people studying for this Darn thing, it makes learning such a chore, maybe tht's why we're called students, not learners, not practioners, not humans but STUDENTS! coz we're suppose to study the contents in books! my occupation is a student and so i occupy my time with studying the same thing over and over again! well tht seems right. right? really tht can't be wrong coz if it is then we've been filling up the wrong information on forms all these while. which we in other words mean we're liars! big fat ones. ohman we're all fat! obese! filled with lies! disgusting lies which builts up as we grow! this is getting no where, really. lies are like fats. white lies are like the good fats. white lies are like the good cholesterol needed to maintain the fluidity of our cell membrane. they prevent a cell from being too rigid during low temp and prevents it from becoming too fluid during hot temperature. therefore, white lies are essential in order for us to keep on living. however, if we are filled we too much fats, we'll become sooo sick, we'll suffer and DIE! alright enough said. im really getting nowhere. GOODLUCK FRIENDS and don't lie too much okay! they are bad for health. one more thing friends you wouldn't lose anything when you say a few nice things to a friend each day but you wouldn't know how much of you've lost by making one nasty comment even if you don't mean it. so do watch what you say. lalala..... haha im not saying this because of anything anyone said to me. just many things someone said to someone which might have seen like the superiority of ones intellect but has instead hurt another
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Hello! Yesterday Dian, Aini and me met at tamp! so long since i last saw that kecik! haha. Let's meet up after 4th nov kay! but, without june and rann though. hahaha. go friends! your future is in your hand! heh. ((:
kkk. im supposed to be bathing now cos im going to my sister house later. and thank God i found my passport! ha! but then again. i dont really feel like going cos i feel sick. i think im having a slight fever.sucks laa. and i realised something, starting of this year, i had a bad cough till my teacher thought i had a good voice projection cos, my voice was errr..sexy? yuck. hahaha.she got cheated.lol. and now, its going to be the end of the year, and im having a cough-again! sucks laa.my exams are coming! and each time i cough, my stomach hurts. i hate getting sick. and i've been telling myself that im not sick cos i dont even want to think about it. i thought it was all in the mind.heh. yada yada. Looking back at sunsets on the Eastside We lost track of the time Dreams aren't what they used to be Some things slide by so carelessly Smile like you mean it. (:
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
talking about gut feeling, there are always the not so definite things like signs that something bad is about to happen, yet we either don't see it or choose to ignore it. really, next time when something bad happens, just think back! there were signs but we had simply chose to remain oblivious to it. yes chose! maybe if we had done something, things would have been diff but as ria always says, 'things happen for a reason'. and so whats the reason? well simple, for us to learn from our mistakes and not let it happen again. HA! if we can do that, then the phase "history repeats itself" would not exist. i'm not saying that we can never learn from our mistakes, whats important is that we continue trying and one day, maybe one day, we'll succeed! so friends, if u never learn from yer mistakes, don't be so hard on urself. it takes time and great effort and as long as yer friends and loved ones see that u're putting in effort, it means u've done enough cozzzzzz NOBODY"S PERFECT!! hahahaaha corny shit!
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Have you ever had a gut feeling about something that later turned out to be true?
i hate gut feelings idk why i always have this natural instinct and it always end up turning into a reality. ?? i wont mind if my gut feelings or instinct is a good one or if its for the better, but no, i always have this negative side of gut feelings and it sucks knowing that it might come true. eeeeeeesh.. i should stop thinking so much and i should stop wondering what will happen to every single thing. im not saying this cos something bad happened just now or whatsoever. i just hate having this kind of feeling la. haiz.. yada yada. There's school tmr! Monday blues. hopefully not. no.no. 15 days left! holy s***. when will i ever learn my mistakes? haiyaa.. Baaaaaaayyyy-Beeeeee! *im just being random.cheh. haha.*
Monday, October 13, 2008
im lost at sea
Dian!! u made teared! u reminded me of our promise that we made at TP bridge 1.5 years agoooo!
how can i forget..! omg. this sucks and this is the reason why i hate making promises cos it sucks so badly if i can't fulfill that promise. thanks alot for reminding me! and u made me realised that i shouldn't give up halfway! i must fulfill the promise that we made! uuurggh.. why am i so fickle.. ishk. why!!?? you know, I've thought of other alternatives. idk. i still dont really know what i want to do in life. -_- and I'm tired of repeating my mistakes over and over again. there's so many things to think about, not just about my life. i just don't really want to think about it or more of I'm ignoring and running away from all these stuff. $^%&*@#! ok! enough with all my nonsense, i should stop complaining and making my life miserable. i need to have a plan and a goal! anw, I'm not acting like I'm some emo kid trying to get attention.haha. i just need a listening ear. ha! yada yada. **SLEEPYMAN** says: in 3 yrs, u wif ure A cert, me wif my diploma **SLEEPYMAN** says: rmberrrrr??? **SLEEPYMAN** says: must stay okay.. WHEN ARE WE GONNA MEET UP? -__- Absence makes the heart grow fonder. *sounds familiar..? haha*
heya peeps.
i think.... i think.. i miss you all alot.no week is complete without a tgif. :( okay la..i've got nth much to say.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
I've just gt back home after a long day of jalan raya with my family. it was unplanned. one whole bus of relatives came to my house when i was still bathing! ha! wake up late some more.. and the best part was, my family didn't even noe they hired a bus. they could have told us earlier right.. i felt so ______ cos no one even told my mother about it, till one of my uncle asked my family to join them. haiz. almost every year my family wont be informed of their raya "outing". its like a usual thing every raya, when they come, I'll be busy helping my mother at the kitchen and just stay there till they are about to leave. idk why. i just can't really 'click' with my relatives in Singapore. its not as if i feel inferior or what. its just i don't really like the way they look at my family. i shall not say anything here cos after all, they are not bad people. i guess, i just feel more comfortable with my kampung side.cos they don't judge us and accept everything for it is. anw, we went to the cemetery just now. i so badly wanted to go down, but i couldn't. of all time, must it come now?! tsk. dah lama I've been wanting to go to Cikgu Rathia, Nenek and Bapak jurong punya kubur laa. and it feels weird saying 'their kubur'. haiz..
yesterday i had jalan raya with my school friends.it was fun and full of merepek, though i joined them late. Actually, after receiving back my shitty results on Friday, i had no mood to go for jalan raya. disappointment sucks! @#*%^#!^*! OK. enough said. i shall not say anything anymore or my secret will be revealed! ha! and i always have the tendency to type a super long post and end up deleting everything! i think if next time i need to let things out, I'll just post and put it under draft. okay.at least I'll feel relieved. heh.yada yada. we'll pray for everyone. okay. (:
Friday, October 10, 2008
dian, i think i know what u mean when u said that u're in denial yet u're preparing urself mentally and emotionally. it's never easy but just remember that we're always here for you. my grandmama fell and fractured her thigh bone last time and she recovered. we all thought she wasn't really gonna make it then but she did. miracles do happen. but we always fear the worst case scenario and so put up a protctive mechanism by preparing ourself for the worst eventhough u dont want it to happen.
when she collapsed the other time, i feared the worst and even when she stopped breathing, i didnt believe it. it just din't register. then when they managed to revive her in the hospital, i was preparing myself for the worst. how can someone who's brain was deprived of oxygen for so long and turned blue survive? and even if she did, there would be side effects. the best choice was to let go but i couldn't put myself to do it. i was selfish. then during my few hrs at home, i researched on the internet. the survival rate was really low. i didn't dare to tell anyone. she nvr woke up after that. never said her last words. let go now daddy by Crystal Shawanda wind blowin in my face, sidewalk flyin beneath my bike a five year olds first taste, of what freedoms really like he was runnin right beside me, his hand on the seat i took a breath and hollered, as i headed for the street *chorus* you can let go now daddy, you can let go oh i think im ready, to do this on my own its still a little bit scary, but i want you to know i'll be okay now daddy, you can let go i was standin at the alter, between the two loves of my life to one i'd been a daughter, to one i soon would be a wife when the preecher asked "who gives this girl?" daddy's eyes welled with tears he held tightly to my arm, till i whispered in his ear *chorus* it was killin me to see, the strongest man i ever knew waistin away to nothin, in his hospital room "you know he's only holdin on for you" thats what the night nurse said me voice and heart were breaking, as i crawled into his bed and said you can let go now daddy, you can let go your little girl is ready, to do this on her own it will be a little bit scary, but i want you to know ill be okay now daddy, you can let go you can let go we'll pray for her
Thursday, October 9, 2008
sorry for MIA-ing on dis blog.
i leave dis place for a few days.. and look at how u all hv been talking to ureself on de tagboard. tsktsk! i love ya'll manymany(: btw, if u've read mmy blog..u'll know what happen to my nenek. please pray for her. please. she means so much to me.. i cnnot imagine...just cant. been at the hospital since Sat, so anything happening out of SGH since Sat.. i'm pretty much alien to it. i even lost track of wad day it is today. tmr is her surgery. i've been having a heavy heart abt it since evening. and noe wad.. her loooong hair det she buns up every day.. det looong hair det i've been seeing for 18 years.. CHOPPED. i'm never gng to see that hair on her again.. she scratched her head just now.. i teared. she keeps forgetting wad happen to her hips.. it hurts to have to tell her over and over again.. please pray for her..please.. btw, out of topic abit. if Raya plans are still on.. please tell me k? i miss raya ALOT. but the state of things..haiz. i'll see wad i can do abt it.. just keep me informed k? dianloveyoumanymany(:
are mood fluctuations normal? i think they call it moodswings. haha so i guess it's normal coz every girl supposedly has it, right? i don't know. lalala.... i get exhausted doing chem, so after doing like 3 ques, i become totally bleah. ohman shitty. it's the same for math. econs and gp is quite similar, like words words words and bio is just blah. goodness me.
there's this one person i don't want to disappoint but it's weird coz.... lalala... i don't know if i disappointed her when i recieved my O levels results but i know i did scare her with my crying. haha but it's different now. very different. next weeks schedule is screwed coz we have to go back to sch at untimely hrs. not untimely cos it's too early or whatever but because its neither early nor late so it kinda screws the whole day. and my hope of being alone to study while the kids are in sch is gone gone gone coz they've got no sch due to some PSLE stuff. screw it la. irritating shit. Goodnight my friends. i think everyone should write down their final words in case they don't wake up the next day. haha im not suicidal or anything alright, just think it'll be something great to do so that ur love ones won't feel so hurt even if u have to leave without saying goodbye. just in case u guys don't know, i love my asses friends and siblings. haha and don't feel sad if i leave suddenly cos u guys know that i'll be with the person i love the most. smile everyone! say cheeze. oh btw i look super ugly in my class pic! hahahaha love it!
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
cos if one day you wake up..
Today is a winding road that's taking me to places that I didn't want to go
WHY?!!! WHY??!! * i just contradicted myself* why ask why? B.E.C.A.U.S.E... i want an answer why am i stuck here! idk. PW really suckass.Please don't test my patience. i just don't get it! Why why why?? why don't they see the urgency and the importance of it? We only have about 17 damn days to finish up on our WR/ OP and Woaaahh.. do we even have our proposal yet? NO! cos why? most of them don't even bother to crack their tiny brain and think! its as good as having 2 people in a group right... uuuuurrrgghh.I'm not saying as if I'm doing everything. but! what have you all been doing? toot laa. why am i doing something that i don't even enjoy doing it?! this sucks. and i know all of us are worried about our promo results.who doesnt! you think I am so chill about it? #%^&*(*&!@! but it's really too bad right.we have no more choice, dammit. JUST DO and God knows what will happen. oh God.. please let there be light. thank you. When darkness turns to light
breathe in breathe out.....
can u imagine it's less than one month away from A levels!? ok think positive. i can do it! so can u! june and ria have faith in urself! i will too! i must really think positive. be optimistic. it's not the end! just the beginning. phewwww! such a relief. i dont know why. but thinking positive helps me to relax.'lalalalala....... i'd always told myself that i LOVE studying! i just need to tell myself tht again.. hahaha rebuild the love! Grad day is friday but we still have to go back to sch after tht for extra lessons and mocks. although i feel cheated! but ohwellssssss.. at least they haven't given up on us! haha sooo i shouldn't too! yup.. thnk positive! psycho psycho psycho myself. i can do it! YES U CAN RANN! STUDYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!! YEAHHHH!!!! JUST LOVE IT! losing it, sexy voice! ha
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Why ask why? Knowing all the answers is not always advisable. It can keep you from having fun, and it can keep you from seeing things in a new light. So save your energy and don't try to figure out why things are happening the way they are happening today, the answers won't satisfy you anyway..
So we choose to say nothing, and sometimes run away. When friends are really hurting, we don't know what to do, So we offer weak excuses or say we're hurting too. It really doesn't matter what kind of gift we bring; We only need to be there if we don't bring a thing. It truly is amazing what a hug can do, When heartache numbs the senses, and friends depend on you. There's comfort just in knowing that you are not alone, When tears are overflowing, and hearts are cold as stone. It's the loving prayers of others that balance our accounts, For when we measure love, it's still the thought that counts. i found that in between my notes! must be those emoemo moments or when i just had nothing else better to do so i copied it from somewhere, or is it? ha! i bet it was way long time ago..haha. whatever la.it doesn't matter.heh. I, Ria Raziany Razak, S900....A, promise to discipline myself from tomorrow onwards, 6th October 2008. I will not let anything distract me from my studies and revision. I will try my best to stay focus and I will refrain myself from using the comp, unless it's for PW. I must. I must. It's only for ONE month. I will try to make full use of this whole month and I will only go for jalan raya on Saturdays or Sun. As what June and Rann said, I MUST aim for an A! but, I'll just aim for a B then.heh. Please remind me if i ever break this promise. Thank you very much. (: cheh! lol. have a great week! (:
Friday, October 3, 2008
For somewhere deeper,
there must be some meaning to this life, Some way to make a difference. hello! today was a stay home Friday for me. no tgif. just plain slacking at home. heh. ok, more of sleepy Friday! nowadays, when i reached home, i'll find new stuff at home.duh,cos its hari raya. -_- baju baru.barang baru.rambut baru.rumah baru! yada yada. i don't really see the point though. ok,nvm. cos if the more I'll say, the more I'll contradict myself.heh. anw, the sad part for this raya was that i only went back to kampung for ONE day! ): and that also, i had to ponteng school the next day. cos obviously, my kampung is way more important than my school.heh. its just a different environment in my kampung and i cant describe how i feel whenever I'm there. its not as if my kampung is those proper kind of kampung, totally not like those u see in the TV. but, i guess its just the sentimental/emotional attached kind of feeling that i have since i was young. there's so much fond and bitter memories.i could still remember clearly the day when my most sayang kampung literally crashed down to the sea. *idk if its crashed,its like the whole hse was being sucked to the sea.* God knows how i felt at that point of time. at first, i couldn't believed what happened right infront of my own eyes.in just a split second, my relatives and grandma are left homeless. the feeling really sucks. how i wish that day didn't rained so heavily. how i wished i didn't take the weather for granted. haiz. but thank god no one was hurt.and this thing actually made me realised that anything can happen at anytime. u'll never know what the future may bring.haiz...... yada yada.. oh, i had diarrhoea on the first day of raya!!! -_____- what a way to start my raya. i think it was food poisoning. cos, I'm not the only one who had diarrhoea! my whole family had it too. "tu arr.. makan banyak sangat.. orang da cakap rendang da nak basi, sape suruh makan banyak2 lagi.." hahahahahahaha. -_- anw, to chillak-ass and anyone, Ive changed my number in case any of you still don't know. but! i still cant remember my own number!yet. 9385???? something 4? haha. kay. Rann and June!!!! don't give up okay...!! this is your last lap! cheh.haha. both of you have been studying so hard and have gone this far, don't let anything come in your way ok. don't care about all those small2 stuff la. Rann! dun action that no one wants to care about you laa.. -_- ONE MORE MONTH TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE! i say you can, means you can la! have faith. cheh! why am i so good at encouraging others when i cant even encourage or motivate myself? its always easier said than done. right..? heh.
Edi's family..
if Life is like a rose, then what about the thorns?
9 crimes
Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I do It's the wrong kind of place To be thinking of you It's the wrong time For somebody new It's a small crime And I've got no excuse Is that alright with you? Give my gun away when it's loaded Is that alright with you? If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it Is that alright with you? Give my gun away when it's loaded Is that alright with you? With you. Leave me out with the waste This is not what I do It's the wrong kind of place To be cheating on you It's the wrong time She's pulling me through It's a small crime And I've got no excuse My heart's feeling so fucking heavy, it's painful to even think about it Do you know what you want? Did you know that the people who suffer the most, are those who don’t know what they want? So what do you want? Huh? Good God, I sound so fricking bitter. -S
Thursday, October 2, 2008
i swear i looked like a lunatic laughing to myself at macs again..haha.. blame it on scary movie 3 or u can blame it on stress. hahaha... im telling U! the wasabi fillet o fish and wasabi shaker fries is super grosssssss! like stomachahe kinda grossZ! eeeweeweew... i shall just stick to wasabi seaweed! yeah tht sounds like the best idea.
tmr's friday or should i say it'll be friday in a few mins time. in other words.... it's a week closer to As. yeah continue scaring urself. that's what u do best. breathe in breathe out.... hyperventilates! hahaha u know. i loveee life! just don't like living it. life should live for u and not the other way around. haizzz... i'll find a way! i don't like routine work. bye and goodnight
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
![]() just like friends, songs can be great therapy, given the right ones. i need songs that flows with the heart. u get what i mean? those that beats along with the rythmn of THE heart. songs which make u feel all better and warm after hearing them. the kind of songs u can hear over and over again and never get bored or frustrated. Hold on to me, stop me or i'll run. I don't wanna give up, i know i can't. Grab me tight, don't lose me now. I'm scared i'll never return, don't let me out of sight. i'm scared. approximately 30 days to A's and i can very well say that i am not prepared. like seriously. i know i need a plan but my life don't just belong to me. i can't just make plans based on my own schedule cos there are others' too. i can't just leave the house to study coz there are others i have to look after too. not just myself. things are easier said than done. i'd wish i could really seclude myself but it's impossible. i mean it. i've been sleeping too much. wayyyy toooo much. need to really discipline myself. okay on a lighter note, at least i've got 30 days! and not 7! i can still make a difference. i know i can. it would be easier if u were here but i'll work with what i have. i read somewhere that when something bad happens, there is always something positive that comes along with it. i just have to look for the one positive thing. and u better find it fast. ohhwelllssss even if i don't, life goes on and on and on and boom!!
SELAMAT HARI RAYA!!!!!!!!
|